Tag: Change

I Know, Therefore I Do

From a story found in the Book of Mormon, 1 Nephi, Chapter 3, we read that Lehi’s family fled into the vast, scorching desert to escape the wrath of the Jews who sought their lives. Having reached safety, or so they thought, they then received staggering news. God had commanded the sons of Lehi to return to the danger of Jerusalem to obtain records which contained the history of their people written on brass plates.

Even worse, the plates were in the possession of a treacherous commander of a unit of the army of Israel. He could not be easily approached as there were many soldiers protecting him. The brothers were terrified. But then one of the brothers boldly stood and declared:

” I will go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded, for I know the Lord giveth no commandment unto the children of men save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them.” (1Nephi 3:7)

From this statement we learn two very important principles:

1/ God never commands us to do anything that is impossible to do. Without faith it may well appear to be impossible. But the fact remains: no matter what God commands us to do, there is a way and he has already provided it before he asked. Our job is to have faith that the statement is true and to act on that assumption until we discover what the solution is. 

2/ God never issues a command that is for his benefit alone. In each case, in each commandment whatsoever he commanded us to do, it is always, always for the betterment, protection, edification or improvement of his Children. 

We know the second principle to be correct because later, the portion of the people (the people of Zarahemla) who didn’t take written records of their history were unable to retain their language or maintain the memory of the basic purposes of moral, spiritual or intellectual principles. Those who did keep those and future records found them not only to be a stabilizing force for good, but were able to maintain their original language and core values which served as a reservoir of their collective wisdom and customs.

The records of their history were to disclose another equally important principle as well.

Knowing history is not enough by itself. For a society to remain intact, they must also be be willing to have the courage to apply and live what they know.

This is true and applies to every one of us. Most of us perform at a level below that which we know we should. The challenge is to bring our performance up to that higher level of understanding or as Nephi declared, “I know… [therefore] I will go and do.” This struggle determines who we are and what we will become as a people, and as a nation.

As we are always learning, we must therefore always be changing. We must realign our behaviour to match our understanding, knowledge and wisdom.

We are instructed to pray in the morning: “What would thou have me do today?”

Likewise in the evening, our prayer should be: “How well did I do with those assignments you gave me today?

The way to overcome our weaknesses is one step at a time, one weakness at a time. In other words: consistent practice until we are made perfect.

-Doug Garrett

Anomalous Anomalies

Definition of Ignorance: A state of mind in which, when you are in it, you are the last to know.

Definition of Arrogance: A state of mind in which you do everything within your power to convince everyone you know, how ignorant you are.

Definition of Pride: A state of mind in which you have both ignorance and arrogance simultaneously.

Definition of Humility: The only known cure for the most common of human maladies, ignorance, arrogance, and pride. It is found in abundance and can be consumed in its natural state. Consumer reports indicate however, it has the least effect on those who are known to be suffering from ignorance, arrogance or pride. 

– Doug Garrett

————–//————–

How do we become successful?
Answer in 2 words: Right choices.

How do we learn to make right choices?
Answer in 2 words: Gain Experience.

How do we gain Experience?
Answer in 2 words: Wrong choices. 

– Doug Garrett

————–//————–

Experience changes our thinking.
Thinking changes our behaviour.
Behaviour changes our success.
Success changes our choices.
Our choices determine who we become.

– Doug Garrett

————–//————–

“You can lead a horse to water but you cannot make him drink.”
A horse will only drink when he is thirsty.

If you want to make a horse drink, first make him thirsty – 
Then he will come to the water by himself.

You do not have to make a thirsty horse drink.

————–//————–

– Doug Garrett

Addiction Recovery: Part 3

Danger Signs and Coping Skills

God made us a promise:
“I give unto men weaknesses that they may be humble and my Grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me, for if they humble themselves before me and have faith in me, then will I make weak things strong unto them.” (Ether 12: 27)

We can receive that promised blessing if we sincerely want to.

First find, learn and practice coping skills. They will be your strength while you are vulnerable. Addicts do not heal alone. Isolation contributes to their problem by allowing them to act out their fantasies. They need to get involved with others that are traveling the same road and they need that input to find healing. 

Give your trusted friends permission to confront you if you are slipping or exposing yourself to any dangerous behaviours. Make a list for you friends to follow when it happens. Keep a copy in your pocket to follow also. Here are a few do’s and don’ts.

1/ Don’t become over confident. 
2/ Don’t flirt with being just a little untruthful.
3/ Saying “I can handle this,” is a sure indicator you can’t.
4/ Don’t forget how much work it took to get where you are because it’s harder to get there again if you have to start all over. 
5/ It’s impossible to indulge “just temporarily.” 
6/ Missing your old life style always sounds good until you remember your old life “problems.”
7/ When you are having a bad day, find someone who is having one that’s worse and help them.
8/ It’s hard to live a healthy life style if you are not a healthy distance from your old life style.
9/ Keep the personal conversation in your head positive if you expect positive behaviour.
10/ Celebrate your new life birthday anniversary often.
11/ Remember why you are struggling. 
12/ Your best thinking got you in trouble, remember? Don’t rely on it to get you out of trouble by trying again to do it by yourself. 
13/ When you lapse, take responsibility. Learn from your weakness, plan a new strategy and continue.
14/ Don’t believe your own lies. Your addiction has many voices.
15/ Recommit every day until you live your commitment every day.

– Doug Garrett

Choice and School Buses

From the first time I read step # 3 of the 12 step recovery program, I grew uneasy with it.

“Decide to turn your will and your life over to the care of God the Eternal Father and his son Jesus Christ.”

It seemed to be the complete antithesis of all I had been taught about free will and choice. It was always the underpinning law, that even God himself would not violate. How could law number one and step number three be reconcilable? The answer has to do with our understanding of this principle of free choice. I would like to use an analogy, about school buses, to explain.

There are thousands, if not millions, of school buses in the world today. Each has a driver and each has an assignment. The assignment is generally to pick up people in one location and deliver them to another. Millions of people of all ages voluntarily get on these school buses, each knowing and agreeing to go where they will be taken. The destination is generally posted on the front of the bus to avoid confusion, because people normally decide where they want to go long before they arrive at the bus depot.

Choosing where we want to go, or what we want out of life, is very much like waiting for buses at the depot. We each get to decide which school bus we want to get on, then we walk up to the one going to our destination and we get on.

There is the bus to perpetual fun and playing. It doesn’t stop for any responsibility or careful thinking.

There’s a bus to fame and fortune. It has lots of stops to get to know people and make contacts to determine popularity.

There’s a bus to mediocrity. It’s fitted out with lay back pillows and comfortable body shape recliners. 

There’s a bus to self-destruction. It has illicit drugs, alcohol, prostitution and pornography.

There’s a bus full of people wanting to go to heaven.

There’s a bus load of people determined to go to hell.

Like I said, there’s millions of buses. They all have smartly uniformed drivers, smiling and full of confidence.  All look alike.

Free agency provides us the opportunity to pick where we want to go. Which bus shall we get on? Can we believe the signs or the drivers? How do we know which ones are telling the truth? Is there provision to get off if we change our minds? What about getting switched to another bus if we discover we have made a bad choice, arrive at the wrong destination or need a way to get back home? How do we know? How does anyone get to know?

In life, it isn’t always easy to get off the bus we chose to get on. Many buses don’t stop to let passengers disembark. When you got on the bus, you gave up your right to make a choice.

Other buses only go a short distance before they change the rules and everybody has to get off, even though they paid to go to the destination shown on the front of the bus.

Other drivers change the destination and literally hijack the passengers. That wasn’t the destination you bought a ticket for. What can you do then? Kick out the door and jump? You didn’t sign up to get hurt. You especially don’t want to hurt others.

For those whose lives have been taken over by drugs or other nasty addictions, it feels the same as being hi-jacked. You’re not just on the wrong bus, but now it’s getting harder to get off by the minute. You no longer have any control about where you are going or what speed you are going at. Someone is going to get hurt as long as you stay on board.  You are screaming to get off. But how?

There is good news and bad news. The longer you stay on, the faster the bus goes, the harder it is to get off and the more it hurts to do so. The good news is, you have a smart phone. Everyone has a smart phone! You can reach out and get help. It’s probably the last and only free will you have left. Yet getting off safely is not something you can do by yourself. 

When you find yourself in a position where you cannot do anything to help yourself, no matter what your addiction may be, know this: God will answer the phone and assure you he is coming to rescue you with his bus. He is the driver and you can get on. Use the agency still in your control, get off the bus, and get on his.

That’s the closest situation to which I can liken the statement: “Decide to turn your will and your life over to God and his son Jesus Christ.”

By doing this we are stating: “Yes, this is what I want to do. His bus is going where I wanted to go in the first place. I will place my trust in him. I am stuck and too weak from struggling to get there by myself. Until I am stronger, I will put my will, my life and my soul in his care.”

We are literally accepting God’s way as better than ours and we accept it voluntarily. We do it by exercising our free agency – not by giving it up. He will return the gift of agency to us when we decide we have become both more experienced and wiser than we presently are. 

Free agency is the right to choose for ourselves. We choose what bus we get on. We choose to change when we have made mistakes. We choose to get on the Lord’s bus when we realize we cannot get where we want to go any other way.

I get it now: It is my choice. There will be many different buses and bus drivers in my life. Before I get on another bus, I will check to see who the bus driver is. By my choice, I will make it to my destination.

– Doug Garrett

I’m Not Lost. I Just Can’t Find Everyone Else.

Have you ever been lost? Can you remember that moment when you felt nothing looked familiar? When the sudden rush of panic confirmed what you suspected? You were lost! What you needed most at that time was a map and a compass. The first would tell you where everyone else was, and the second would tell you how to get there.

In life’s journey we may feel discouraged, even lost, because we don’t know where we are in our relationships with others or our God. The panic we feel is the fear that we might be moving even further away from our true selves and our God — when we want to do just the opposite. Although we may be in different degrees of being lost in our life, where we are at this moment doesn’t matter as much as the direction we are going. Are we getting closer or further away from where we should be? 

If you look around, you will find there are people who ask for directions so that they may be helped. You will also notice there are people who would rather thrash around all by themselves, going nowhere, than accept any assistance that might be given.

Everyone who has been in the latter situation will, sooner or later, arrive at the point where they clearly understand they have to confess their bad habits, addictions, actions or lack of actions, are responsible for their current lost situation. When they have finally had enough of the cover up, the pretending, the blaming, and the lying that has gotten them lost in the first place, they may even realize they know what they have to do — not just to find themselves, but also find reconciliation with everyone else. Yet even if they admit they know which way to go to get out, one thing they may not be sure of is, “Can I find the faith and courage to follow the compass?”

When you carry on that private conversation in your mind, you know which one I mean, the silent argument that goes on minute by minute, can you tell who is winning? The side that wants you to ask for help, to stop lying to yourself? Or is it the side that says, “I am really not that bad. I can handle things on my own”? That falsely independent side is the same one that gives you permission to go on in the wrong direction, that feeds you the lies, myths and misinformation. How do you respond? How strong is your counter defense?

If you don’t have a good defense or counter proposal, what always happens? You lose, right? You give in, give up and give permission to yourself to do what you have always done — indulge your addiction, right? Of course that’s right. It happens every time. Otherwise you would not be lost. 

So let’s review nine suggestions to strengthen your resolve, reverse your direction and be more successful in finding your way again.

1/ Get to know your weakness. The more you get to know your weaknesses, the better prepared you are to win. There are lots of books or articles about your addiction on the web that share how others were able to beat it. They can be your compass.

2/ Talk to others close to you about your struggles. You need all the support you can get. Sharing this information will help them to understand what you are going through, and be in a better position to offer you encouragement.

3/ Divert your energy. Keep yourself busy doing other things – wholesome activities, singing or playing music, visiting, exercising, whatever is compatible with your situation. The possibilities are endless and the benefits enormous. 

4/ Practice counter thinking. Stop listening to yourself when you start reciting those troublesome, irrational and destructive thoughts. Replace them with ideas that are the opposite to that which has trapped you into your behaviour. Read motivational books and talk to positive people.

5/ Change your environment. That means people as well as the places your habits have taken you in the past. Stay away from those people and places who encourage you to indulge in your addictions. Your TV, your computer, your bad friends, your magazines or wherever the fantasizing is flourishing. Change them or discard them as the garbage they are. Getting your life back is much more important than they are — even all combined. Create a whole new life style and a new you that you, your family and friends can be proud of. 

6/ Discover your triggers. Triggers are prompters or things your habits and addictions respond to. It could be a picture, a smell, a song, a gesture or being alone. We act in a predictable way because we have conditioned ourselves to do just that. When we discover what they are, we can replace them and avoid them.

7/ Reward yourself for excellence. Set short term goals of abstinence either by yourself or with the help of others, and then award yourself when they have been achieved. Remember that a slip up is not a total failure.It is just a slip up. Even they have very important lessons to teach us about ourselves and our behaviour. They can also give us additional strength, resolution and motivation to do better.

8/ Find others, including God, to work with. Others may or may not face identical problems but they will share the same goals. When you realize you are not alone with this problem, the relief of sharing is emboldening. You are fighting a spiritual battle, as well as a physical one, with an enemy who has already won a lot of engagements with mortals such as you. Seek out the power you will need for such an uneven match. With God, everything is possible. You will no longer need to hide, lie about, or excuse your behaviour. You will be free to change it. 

9/ Read scriptures. If we want to talk to God, we pray.  If we want God to answer, we first read the scriptures to see what he has already said on the subject. For example:

1 Nephi 3: 7 “… I will go and do the things the Lord hath commanded for I know the Lord giveth no commandment unto the children of men save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them.”

Ether 12: 27 “… And if men come unto me, I will show them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they be humble and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me for if they humble themselves before me and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.”

The Lord has given us a map (scriptures) and a compass (Christ). Have the faith and courage to follow them and it will be just a matter of time before you successfully reach your goals.

-Doug Garrett

The Making and Breaking of Rex

Rex was such a beautiful puppy when I first saw him. Happening down an alleyway, I noticed how his brown and black fur coat seemed almost incapable of containing his excitement or hiding his enthusiasm. He jumped, leaped, pawed and hurled himself until it seemed as though he might come right out of his skin in his zest to express his happiness.

Whenever someone would pass by the gate near the spot where he was tethered, he would run to greet them, to play with them, to share his life with them. But the chain would pull his head with a quick snap, jerking him right off his feet.

He had so much life inside, so much he wanted to see and so much to share that he would jump up again and again, pulling and lunging until he would fall down panting for air that had been forced from his throat by the unrelenting collar.

His eyes and cries would follow the children down the alley way pleading, “ Please play with me. We could have such fun. I want to come with you but I cannot. Each time I try, something stops me. Please, please don’t go away” But as always, the yard became quiet, cold and lonely.

A long time passed before I found the opportunity to wander that way again. I looked for Rex but I did not see him. Instead in the yard was a large, ugly, brown and black dog. He was chained to a steel rod anchored down in the frozen ground. His hair bristled at the sight of me and his teeth flashed. He ran at me growling deeply, his head yanked back as he reached the full extent of the chain. His eyes were filled with hatred. They seemed to say, “ If it were not for this thing, I would leap forward and sink my teeth in your throat.” The large red letters on the white fence read, “Danger. Beware of Dog”

I moved on quickly, wondering whatever became of my friend Rex.

  • Doug Garrett

The Value of Truth and Repentance

John 8:32 “And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.”

These seemingly insignificant 12 words containing 2 promises that could easily be overlooked as having very little practical consequence to those of us who feel we are already free and emancipated. But a closer review discloses a host of things we may never have considered before. 

Truth makes an immense difference to those who are trying to live by it. Let’s take, for example, the truth about repentance.

Repentance Infers There is a God

If there was no God, there would be no right and no wrong. Good and evil would be meaningless. An ultimate judgment would pose no threat to our behavior. Justice and mercy would remain stillborn. Our daily lives would lack motivation, requiring neither a good or evil response to the plight of our fellow men. Our sole concern would be for ourselves, our needs, our survival. 

Repentance Infers There is a Standard  

There is a standard against which we are being measured and found wanting. We are responsible and will be held accountable for our actions. If we are failing, we can change. We can become better through the application of correct principles if we know them. 

Repentance Infers a Current and Final Judgment 

A current judgment reveals our line of trajectory. For instance, how we are doing? Where we are going? How well are we informed? How prepared are we for the final judgment? When we contemplate these answers, it provides more motivation for us to improve ourselves.  

A final judgment is inferred because for what purpose would repentance, correction and a realignment to God’s will serve if in the end it made no difference? No one  would suffer any penalty or gain any blessing for the extreme effort required to be obedient. The scriptures make ample references to the great and final judgment (Alma 40: 11- 14 being perhaps the most explicit), when all of us will, after we have passed from this life, stand before that God who made us, to be held accountable for our deeds in this life.

Repentance Infers Immediate Results 

The way we affect others has a proportional and direct effect upon ourselves. This means if we change for better, the greater will be our influence on others to help them improve their lives too. And the more we help others, the greater the change for good we will experience in own lives. We need not wait until we receive the final judgment to receive blessings. They are unfolded to us the moment we bestow them upon others.

Repentance Infers We Can Change 

We can change from being uninformed and evil to knowing truth and doing good. We can overcome the handicaps of ignorance and poverty through obedience to Christ. The majority of the world has not been taught the concept of repentance. Instead they know only the false practice of confession of sins to avoid the penalties their wrong doings would otherwise bring. There will be justice and compensation for all wrongs done by us, or to us by others. The solution to avoiding the penalties of sin is not just to confess them, but to repent of them and do them no more.

Isaiah 1:18 “Come now, and let us reason together, saith the Lord: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool.”

Knowing the truth changes everything we need to understand about why and what we do. The closer to truth our knowledge is, the closer to Godlike behavior we will practice.

Truth will bring hope to all those who embrace it and freedom to all enslaved by ignorance. It can bring peace and understanding, both to us and to the world.

– Doug Garrett

The Major Difference: The Plan of Salvation

The major difference between what we teach (in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints) and what is taught in other Christian churches is The Plan of Salvation.

There are 3 pillars upon which The Plan of Salvation stands:

1. The Creation of the Earth
This pillar has to do with the purpose and reason for man’s existence, his relationship to God as his Father, and the reason for his trials and temptations.

2. The Fall 
No one fully understands why we need Christ until they understand the effects the fall of Adam had upon mankind. This is known as spiritual death.

3. The Redemption
Without the atonement of Christ there is no way we, as fallen spirits in a fallen world, could by ourselves return unto the presence of God The Father.

Before the knowledge of The Plan of Salvation was restored, there was confusion between the roles of Grace (what Christ has done for our salvation) and Works (what we must do for our own salvation).

Once this plan is understood, the power of salvation can become a powerful force for changing our behaviour and motivating us to help ourselves by helping others to become more perfect.

The Lord taught… “Again, the kingdom of heaven is like unto a merchant man, seeking goodly pearls: Who, when he had found one pearl of great price, went and sold all that he had, and bought it.” Matthew 13: 45-46

The rich young man asked the Saviour what he must yet do to gain eternal life...
“…sell all that thou hast, and distribute unto the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven: and come, follow me.” Luke 18: 22 

King Lamoni’s Father implored…
“What shall I do that I may have this Eternal life of which thou hast spoken? Behold, I will give up all that I possess, yea I will forsake my Kingdom that I may receive this great joy.” Alma 22: 15 

The king was not asked to do that. He was only asked to change  and become a new man (repent), covenant with God (baptism)  and receive the Gift of the Holy Ghost (learn about God and be obedient to his commands).

What must I do to have eternal life? (Luke 18: 18)

That question is asked again and again in the scriptures, and each time it is answered in a different way depending on the individual.

The scriptures should be likened unto ourselves. That query is like a self-direction/correction question. We should be asking it often, especially as regarding our:

1. Understanding of the gospel.
2. Social standing among our fellowmen.
3. Spiritual standing in the Kingdom of God.
4. Willingness to have love and compassion.
5. Willingness to serve, or give, all we have to God.

The personal answer will change from time to time, according to our changing circumstances. But there is wisdom in asking oneself that question — and asking it frequently.

If we do so, it will become the major difference in our lives too. The question will become a course-correcting compass guiding us back, step by step, to our home with Our Heavenly Father.

-Doug Garrett