Have you ever been lost? Can you remember that moment when you felt nothing looked familiar? When the sudden rush of panic confirmed what you suspected? You were lost! What you needed most at that time was a map and a compass. The first would tell you where everyone else was, and the second would tell you how to get there.
In life’s journey we may feel discouraged, even lost, because we don’t know where we are in our relationships with others or our God. The panic we feel is the fear that we might be moving even further away from our true selves and our God — when we want to do just the opposite. Although we may be in different degrees of being lost in our life, where we are at this moment doesn’t matter as much as the direction we are going. Are we getting closer or further away from where we should be?
If you look around, you will find there are people who ask for directions so that they may be helped. You will also notice there are people who would rather thrash around all by themselves, going nowhere, than accept any assistance that might be given.
Everyone who has been in the latter situation will, sooner or later, arrive at the point where they clearly understand they have to confess their bad habits, addictions, actions or lack of actions, are responsible for their current lost situation. When they have finally had enough of the cover up, the pretending, the blaming, and the lying that has gotten them lost in the first place, they may even realize they know what they have to do — not just to find themselves, but also find reconciliation with everyone else. Yet even if they admit they know which way to go to get out, one thing they may not be sure of is, “Can I find the faith and courage to follow the compass?”
When you carry on that private conversation in your mind, you know which one I mean, the silent argument that goes on minute by minute, can you tell who is winning? The side that wants you to ask for help, to stop lying to yourself? Or is it the side that says, “I am really not that bad. I can handle things on my own”? That falsely independent side is the same one that gives you permission to go on in the wrong direction, that feeds you the lies, myths and misinformation. How do you respond? How strong is your counter defense?
If you don’t have a good defense or counter proposal, what always happens? You lose, right? You give in, give up and give permission to yourself to do what you have always done — indulge your addiction, right? Of course that’s right. It happens every time. Otherwise you would not be lost.
So let’s review nine suggestions to strengthen your resolve, reverse your direction and be more successful in finding your way again.
1/ Get to know your weakness. The more you get to know your weaknesses, the better prepared you are to win. There are lots of books or articles about your addiction on the web that share how others were able to beat it. They can be your compass.
2/ Talk to others close to you about your struggles. You need all the support you can get. Sharing this information will help them to understand what you are going through, and be in a better position to offer you encouragement.
3/ Divert your energy. Keep yourself busy doing other things – wholesome activities, singing or playing music, visiting, exercising, whatever is compatible with your situation. The possibilities are endless and the benefits enormous.
4/ Practice counter thinking. Stop listening to yourself when you start reciting those troublesome, irrational and destructive thoughts. Replace them with ideas that are the opposite to that which has trapped you into your behaviour. Read motivational books and talk to positive people.
5/ Change your environment. That means people as well as the places your habits have taken you in the past. Stay away from those people and places who encourage you to indulge in your addictions. Your TV, your computer, your bad friends, your magazines or wherever the fantasizing is flourishing. Change them or discard them as the garbage they are. Getting your life back is much more important than they are — even all combined. Create a whole new life style and a new you that you, your family and friends can be proud of.
6/ Discover your triggers. Triggers are prompters or things your habits and addictions respond to. It could be a picture, a smell, a song, a gesture or being alone. We act in a predictable way because we have conditioned ourselves to do just that. When we discover what they are, we can replace them and avoid them.
7/ Reward yourself for excellence. Set short term goals of abstinence either by yourself or with the help of others, and then award yourself when they have been achieved. Remember that a slip up is not a total failure.It is just a slip up. Even they have very important lessons to teach us about ourselves and our behaviour. They can also give us additional strength, resolution and motivation to do better.
8/ Find others, including God, to work with. Others may or may not face identical problems but they will share the same goals. When you realize you are not alone with this problem, the relief of sharing is emboldening. You are fighting a spiritual battle, as well as a physical one, with an enemy who has already won a lot of engagements with mortals such as you. Seek out the power you will need for such an uneven match. With God, everything is possible. You will no longer need to hide, lie about, or excuse your behaviour. You will be free to change it.
9/ Read scriptures. If we want to talk to God, we pray. If we want God to answer, we first read the scriptures to see what he has already said on the subject. For example:
1 Nephi 3: 7 “… I will go and do the things the Lord hath commanded for I know the Lord giveth no commandment unto the children of men save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them.”
Ether 12: 27 “… And if men come unto me, I will show them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they be humble and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me for if they humble themselves before me and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.”
The Lord has given us a map (scriptures) and a compass (Christ). Have the faith and courage to follow them and it will be just a matter of time before you successfully reach your goals.
-Doug Garrett